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{pop-pop} sara giroux It’s something I know she’ll never understand. She wouldn’t tolerate it to be said aloud, let alone be a fleeting thought. Evil is what she would call it. The only reason we’ve made it this far is that she at least has the sense not to mention God’s existence in this situation. No god in existence would consider this situation a “blessing.” “Pop-Pop!” That’s what he calls me. “Pop-Pop, Pop-Pop!” That’s what he calls me more often. “What do you need, Ben-Ben?” “Pop-Pop, Pop-Pop-Pop!” He thinks we’re having fun and he’s only half right. He’s hunched over looking down at something in his lap at the breakfast table. “What’ve you got there, Ben-Ben?” He lifts up the television remote control and squishes it into the side of his head, posing with a wide grin strewn across his face. A driblet of drool is pulled out and down and across his chin. It’s like having a dog. If that dog didn’t understand when you were giving it instruction and ignored you anyway. It’s like having a dog you have to remind how to go to the bathroom. It’s like having a dog that you can’t lose your patience with. It’s like having a dog that you can’t take back to the pound and tell them, “This one’s no good.” Susan. She walks in the room fastening her left pearl earring to match the necklace already hanging in place. “Benji! What’ve you got there, my sweet? Did Pop-Pop put you in charge of the remote? You’re such a big boy with so much responsibility!” She leans his head forward and kisses his blond head. From that angle, he looks like a normal child; he looks like he’s not going to be a nuisance, a drain, a ball and chain. “Be good for Pop-Pop, okay? And have happy day, Benji!” “My buttons!” he giggles to himself and spreads his fingers wide to simultaneously punch in as many buttons as possible. “Pop-Pop, Pop-Pop!” “David, are you going to do something with him today?” What she means is, I’d better do something with him today. “Sure, sure, I’ll do something with him.” I’ll do something. “Well, what pray tell might that be?” Susan makes final adjustments to her pantyhose before she slides her heals on. “Maybe take him to the z-o-o.” “Really, David? You just took him last week. Have a little imagination, will you?” I’ve got an imagination. He sticks the remote into his mouth. The lines have blurred over the years as to what I’m allowed to allow him to do. There are layers of expectations. “Well, I’ll think of something.” “Remember we need to stimulate him as much as possible. This isn’t just something that’s happening to you, David. I need your help here. We need to work together.” She pours coffee into her to-go cup. “I’ve got a late meeting.” She’s out the door. It's not something that she could be convinced about. It’s something she’ll just understand on her own when it happens. She’ll see that it’s easier with a family of three minus one. “Well, Ben-Ben. It’s either you or me.” I walk into the hall bathroom and without turning on the light, I stop up the bath and turn on the water. It hollers. “What do you today’s the day you learn how to play Rock-Paper-Scissors. Would that be stimulating enough for you?” He takes the remote out of his mouth long enough to say, “Pop-Pop-Pop-Pop-Pop!” I unplug the toaster from the wall and set it on the kitchen table. “Two out of three wins. Two out of three wins.” |
