don't let your suicide note be the death of you
Your suicide note will be the last testament this world has of you. So, like your act of suicide, make it good (for the Methods of Suicide, see syntax Issue 8). Don’t be like O.J. and leave a litany of pedestrian and uninteresting reasons, as well as elementary misspellings and grammatical errors so hideous that you cannot actually read the note.
The following tips are suggested for those who wish to go out in a big bang (yes, the traditional use of firearms is a great method for the act of suicide).
Make Sure You Have Plenty of Time. This is important. You need to start a few days, or if you’re a great writer – a few hours, before your suicide. You don’t want to write your grand farewell while waiting for the pills to kick-in, or before you’re bleeding all over yourself. Giving yourself enough time to write your note will help eliminate the most common of mistakes – such as spelling, grammar and ultimately – logic.
Don't Try to Say Everything. This is not your will. You should draw that up well beforehand, with a lawyer – if you have that much to delegate. Remember to simply stay focused. This is the world’s last impression of you and you don’t want them to think that you were a mental midget. Demonstrate your aptitude by remaining clear and concise.
Handwrite your note if you can. A handwritten note is a lot more personal. This, even if you have terrible handwriting. In the case of a horrible hand – the note may become a cryptogram and your final impression will be that of mystery and intrigue. Who could want more?
Use first person. Otherwise you sound like a nutjob. Who really talks about themselves in third person? This is not a novel. It is your death.
Be Honest. There is not much reason for lying at this point, is there?
Don't reveal your methods of death. Especially if you’re popping pills: Letting everyone know what you took just makes it easier for them to revive you.
Reveal your methods of death. If you don’t want to die. Especially if you’re popping pills: Let everyone know what you makes it easier for them to revive you.
Don't say anything you might regret. There is always a chance that you will be found and "rescued". Suicide notes are not the place to rip into people, give away other's secrets, or confess crimes.
Don't try to persuade the reader. If you are going to really kill yourself – this is not a rational thing (most of the time). Your state of mind at the time of writing the note is probably impaired heavily – by drugs and alcohol – or, if not that, then by the circumstances that have lead you to this dark place. Suicide is inexplicable. Don’t fuck it up for everybody else by giving your grand, insightful thesis.
Make sure it's not too long. There is a reason it's called a suicide note and not a novel. Try to keep it around two or three pages at the most. Avoid the temptation to mention or leave a little note to everyone you know. Not only does that get dull fast but you're certain to leave someone out.