why i'm going to hell: exhibit b sex with dr. phil mcgraw melissa k. That was a lovely meal, Melly. Why thank you Phil. How bout we have sex right here on the floor? That's what I like to see. A real go-getter. After what you want and no bullshitting. But I must say, having sex on the floor, I have to wonder about your standards. The bed is too far away. I was only being realistic. Well, how bout we challenge ourselves. How bout we make it to that bed and copulate like respectful human beings? All right then. The bed it is. You see?? You see how you give in. You see how you live in that comfort zone where whatever the other wants is right and what you want is substandard. Well let me tell you little girl, you can't stare the bull in the eyes and expect him to back down unless you're fondling his testicles. Would you like me to fondle your testicles? Good God, woman. What I want to hear you say right now to me is, "Dr. Mcgraw, I demand that you let me fondle your testicles!" Dr. Mcgraw, I demand that you let me fondle your testicles! And what are you doing? You're standing there like a doe with a front bumper on the way. How bout less talk more action? How bout having the balls to back up your convictions, and speaking of balls, how bout you grab a good hold of these right here? I'm holding. And how do you feel? I feel strong in myself. I feel powerful. I feel free to grab the balls of life. That's right missy, and don't you ever forget this lesson because it's an important one you'll want to come back to when I flip you over for anal sex. Oh, I won't forget. Well then let's move on to Chapter Two. Chapter Two is when I fondle you back. It's about reciprocation and respect for your partner. If my partner is so respectfully fondling my balls, I will in turn respectfully fondle my partner's breasts. Wouldn't it be fair to touch my cunnie? More fair??! More Fair?! Listen to you. Your wants are out of control little girl and I think you need to step back and recognize that the world isn't about giving melly whatever melly wants when she wants it. Sometimes we need to think and appreciate the gifts that we are given. Now take off your bra. That feels nice. Yes, it does melly, and I appreciate your reassurance that I am satisfying you in a respectful manner. This was an important lesson, one you'll want to come back to after coitus when I ask if it was good for you. I will remember. Now we can move on to the next chapter. The chapter in which we cut the crap and you lay down and get it from the bull. The bull? Yes, the bull. You're a Texan, I'm a Texan, is there a reason we should be pussy-footin' around? Heehee, you said "pussy". You see, that's what I'm talking about. How do you expect to get through life? How do you expect to be taken seriously when all you are is a bag of fart and pussy jokes? I was just flirting. Flirting with disaster little girl. I'm telling you, life is to be taken seriously. Well then, let's fuck. Woah, slow down the ho train missy, cause I'm gettin' off and not on you. Partners must switch off at the controls. You see, right now, I'm in control and it is me who is telling you right now that I want you to lay down on that floor and get ready for the bull. Okay ... I'm ready. There, and here you find yourself with the bull. What's it like? It's nice. You're going to have to be more creative here with me melly. You're not giving me anything to work with. Oh, I think you have plenty to work with. That was great. I feel like I'm working with a pro here now. So let's do this awhile and reconvene. ... I feel it Dr. Mcgraw, we are making a real breakthrough here. Well I wouldn't liken it to being dragged through a cactus field by the ass of a tractor, but there is definite room for improvemant. What do you mean? I mean, let's take some control here. Let's be the one to facilitate our own pleasure. A pickle is just a cucumber if it ain't got any juice, honey. I see what you mean. You want me on top? Hell yeah I want you on top! So here I am. On top. How is this? You're doing what works. It does feel good. ... Oh, good Lord woman, roll over. I'm trying. Look, either you get it or you don't. Roll over. Okay, yeah, I remember this. Talk dirty. Powerfully and Respectfully dirty. Umm. It feels good when you put your ... err ... your ... when you put your... Girl, You have to name it before you can claim it. Your dick! No, I mean, your cock! No, I mean your Hog Leg! Mr. Wiggles? Hog Leg, that's right, I like that. .... Now you see missy, you see how this is getting old? Why are you so resistant to change? Because you scare the shit out of me. And you see, we haven't even gotten to that part yet. I think I want to stop now and go have an orange juice. Oh come on missy, you got to use it, don't abuse it. No really, I have learned my life lesson. You really want to stop now? When we've come so far and yet no one has managed to actually come? Yes, really, please, get off me, I need Vitamin C. Born quitter, that's what you are miss melly. Born quitter.