bachelorette party julie payne I sit in the passenger seat of a rusty red Subaru in the parking lot of a strip club on male dancer night. Lisa pulls a brown paper goody bag from under the driver's seat. It clinks when she hits it against the steering wheel. She hands me a pint of cactus juice. I am first because I am the maid-of-honor. Carrie, in the back seat, gets hers second because she is only a bride's maid and doesn't know as many secrets. I open my bottle right away and take a drink. My thighs relax first. Carrie is just like the girls I made fun of in high school. Cute. Preppy. Someone who gives hand jobs because sex is smelly. Lisa's parents love her. Lisa was almost a Carrie. She has always had sweet-little-rich-girl potential. But Lisa is a slut. Lisa's parents hate me for not giving a shit about Lisa being easy. I'm the non-Catholic bastard at the family reunion. They don't know Lisa fucked Ron in the back seat of this car last night. All they know is Lisa is marrying Jim next Saturday and moving out of my house. My bottle is half gone and I realize I'm only a part of things because of the secrets. I look out the cracked windshield of Lisa's car and watch the fuzzy taillights go by on Welcome Way. Carrie and Lisa sip their juice and chitter about registries and communion. There are things I want to tell Lisa. I want to tell her about Sartre. I want to tell her you don't have to cry when your jeans are too tight. I want to tell her Jim looks like a big piranha and his hands are always dirty. Lisa wonders out loud what Jim is doing right now. I tell her if he's smart he's getting a lap dance from a boobjob named Madeline. She begins to cry. Carrie looks at a spot on the floor of the car that may or may not be Ron. I laugh. Lisa cries harder and asks why I laugh at her. I think-- because I know you've lost count of how many guys you've slept with. Because I know about the dimples on your ass that make you so insecure you can only have sex in the dark. Because I know about how you tried to kill yourself by sitting outside in the snow without a coat. Because I know that you've told everyone that everything you've ever done wrong was because I led you to it. I laugh because I know that at the wedding I will not genuflect before the crucifix like you think I will. I laugh because I know that after you move out of my basement and into Jim's house your daddy is going to buy you a new car because he thinks the spots on the upholstery are from my excursions. I laugh because I'm the fuck up and after the wedding I am going to stop speaking to you forever. But I won't say any of it. Bring on the dancing boys.