sins, trains and automobiles laurel sparks The blow job Barner Kahlo was getting from Viceroy Grafton was the best he had ever received from any woman. Despite her sharp teeth scraping against his skin when he hit a hole in the road. At sixty miles an hour, this was pure ecstasy! It wasn't the best of arrangements for the action, but it would do. It wasn't the first time. They made a history of stealing free intimate moments. Many false starts had finally put them where they needed to be. They had gone for broke. A genuine marital affair. Would he come before the car hit the railroad tracks? He hoped so, as the tracks were rough in the crossing. It might distract his attention. Ouch! She did it again! They had left the office party while it was still in full swing. Viceroy's husband had cruised the room, drunk, hoping to score a good conversation. He wouldn't miss her. Barner's wife, Lona, left earlier in the evening, feigning a headache. That was all right by him. It wasn't a moment too soon, giving him the freedom to get with Viceroy. And they just had a knack of gravitating toward each other. Viceroy Grafton. Damn! She could throw Barner's ego system into overdrive! She remained positive, optimistic, and assumed they would never be discovered. The risk factors of being together were surmountable. But yet… Barner and Viceroy definitely had something between them, more than chemistry. To each other, they were worth it. The blaze in their fire was far from smoldering. So far, she prevailed as the only woman coming close to getting him to file divorce papers. God was this woman good! "Oh, baby, you're the greatest!" He was almost there. "Mmmm." That was all she could muster with a mouth full of him. Viceroy's hands worked her magic against his cock. She had a solid stranglehold on his prized possession. He convinced himself the indiscretion was his duty. After all, he didn't get this kind of action at home. Lona would think it too improper, too dirty. Hell, lately, the Kahlos were allergic to each other in the bedroom anyway. The tracks were fifty yards away. What timing! Any second now and he would be in heaven. "We're there, baby, we're there…" At the precise moment Barner Kahlo came in Viceroy Grafton's mouth, the train engine hit the Pontiac Grand Prix broadside. Viceroy's teeth didn't hurt Barner a bit. *********************************** The conductor managed to stop the train about a quarter mile past the point of impact. He jumped down from the cab and ran to the front of the engine. Had anyone been thrown from the vehicle? He looked around in haste and decided there wasn't. Through the windows, he discovered two people in the car. "What's up Joe?" A crewmember from the back of the train joined him at the scene. "This dumb ass didn't even stop at the crossing. Just plowed on through." The conductor gestured at the car. "Well, let's see what we can do for 'em." The moaning inside the car was almost in a duet. At least the passengers were alive. The woman's head was trapped beneath the steering wheel, between the man's legs. The crewman surveyed closer. "Oh, shit! She's got his dick in her mouth!" The engineer's loud whisper filtered through the night air. "Christ Almighty! No wonder he didn't stop! The ol' boy was gettin' a blow job!" Reluctantly, the engineer went to his cell phone in the engine and called for emergency backup. His mate stayed at the scene to offer assistance. All of a sudden, Barner's shock gave way to pain. Ouch! "Say sweetheart, would'ya mind finishing up? I think we're in trouble here." He was uneasily conscious of the circumstances. "Oh, my head! What's going on?" Viceroy awoke from the encounter, rubbed the back of her head and gingerly sat up. "Where are we?" She wiped her mouth clean with the back of her hand. "Well, if my guess is right, a damn train hit us…I didn't even see it!" In the rearview mirror, he surveyed the blood oozing from his cheek. The light from the engine proved to be an ally. "You were doing such a good job that I lost all thought and comprehension." "I'll thank you later," she muttered. They gathered their wits and found their way out of the car. Viceroy stumbled when her feet hit the ground and she balanced herself on the open car door and a railroad tie. On the other hand, Barner remained seated with the door opened. "How am I going to explain this?" He posed the question to the air, zipping his pants. If only he could reverse the last five minutes, he’d welcome them back in a heartbeat. Barner Kahlo would have done things differently. Now, the whole scenario was just a headline waiting to happen. He sent a silent prayer skyward bound. As if he would be granted any favors from God. Adultery. Sin. Coveting thy neighbor's wife. Yeah, right! No way! Abruptly, he realized they had a captive audience. Geez! What next? "Where'd you come from?" he asked the crewman. "Back of the train." The man gestured in the direction of the caboose. "You all right?" Stupid question. "I think so." Barner rose to his feet and orchestrated his balance. He ambled over to Viceroy and soothed her pains. "What about her?" the man urged. "I'm fine," Viceroy replied. "The point is," the engineer rejoined the group, "I've called this in." "No, no!" Barner's eyes locked into Viceroy's. She was on the verge of fretting. "We're refusing treatment, aren't we?" She nodded her head. It was like they were both on the wrong end of a punch. "That's all well and fine, but I had to report this." The man in charge pressed the issue. He performed like a bodyguard who wouldn’t leave the side of his hero. This would be like a nightmare Barner Kahlo would remember long after waking up. These strangers just pried into his secret. He assumed an agreement like a misfit. As if he wasn't good enough for a first class flight, he would have to resort to economy seating. God damn it! How could he diagnosis this? Actually he didn't have to, the obvious situation needed no more explanation. The rules were such. When reason returned, he would have no apologies, no logical pretenses. The conclusion already drawn. Yet his wife would make him feel like he was just expelled from school. A scene from "Divorce Court" suddenly came to mind. Barner and Viceroy huddled together, thinking, thinking, thinking. Thinking of a logical story, one appeasing each of their spouses. "Oh, Barner, it's not like you've never lied before. This one won't be altogether outright. Just add to it." Viceroy's words took on added value. "You can do it, can't you?" He didn’t even try to answer the question. Time was closing in, closing in fast. And so were the sirens in the distance. Barner felt like he was on a New Years' Eve countdown to midnight. Trapped. Like he had just welched on a bet and he was being tracked. He must create an orderly direction from this chaos. But what? Mister Organization was the brains of the outfit and he had a mind for details. Why was it failing him now? Barner knew without a clear plan they were sunk. He had to think of something. If not for himself, for Viceroy. His mind ticked repeatedly, as if out of gear. She trusted him to make the right decision. What? What? The sirens neared. "Look, we're not hurt, here, and neither is your engine, I assume." Barner's mouth was as dry as the soybean field one hundred yards away. Dusty, with no relief in the forecast. The crewman's sideward stare penetrated. "And your point is?" "Okay, so you caught us." Barner's hands rose up, pleading. "What will it take for you to not report this?" He begged, not something he was accustomed to. "Just doin' my job, sir." The engineer gave Viceroy a once over, focusing his gaze on her erect nipples. They were protruding from her knit top. "Guess you two aren't supposed to be together, eh?" She immediately crossed her arms over her chest. "You hit on it," Barner said. Oh, the pun! Their playtime was unfolding into a disaster. Would they have any future to work with? Probably not. Their affair seemed headed to the slush pile. Yet, in the back of his mind, Barner Kahlo knew their discovery was bound to happen. It was inevitable, expected. Even necessary. In his distress, he visualized his wife's face when he told her the news. Yet…why couldn’t he tell her he had been by himself? That he’d had a lot on his mind and wasn’t paying attention? The train came out of nowhere? Hmmm… A smirk loomed on his face. "On the contrary, we could be swayed.” Although the speech was from the engineer, the caboose man edged closer to the couple. Red flashing lights made their entrance to the night sky. The encounter became congested like a traffic jam. “How much?” Barner reached for the wallet in his pants pocket. “Just a few minutes with your little lady.” The train driver sneered as if he had just told a naughty joke. There was a slightly embarrassing pause as Viceroy gave Barner a look of contemplation. His hand stopped its journey to the wallet. “Do what you like.” The words were from Barner, directed at the three of them. He turned his back and started down the tracks. The sirens died, and rustling from the emergency personnel auditioned through the cornstalks. What timing! Viceroy joined Barner at his side with a look as if she had enough steam left to give him another blow job. "I have an idea," he whispered in her ear, slipping an arm around her waist. "What?" "Ever done it in a cornfield?" "You're incorrigible!" She half-slapped the hand at her waist. He figured not all was lost With that, Barner and Viceroy locked arms and started back to town under a lonely half moon, leaving a group of flustered men to make sense of the situation behind them. The couple knew their mission. Their attorneys would work out the details. Did they stand a chance against the odds facing them? Their smiles granted the answer.